Mind the transitions

A dear friend of mine was visiting me, when I noticed that they were visibly uncomfortable whenever they sat down or stood up. When I showed my concern for their discomfort, they quickly tried to reassure me by explaining that they had hurt their back, but not to worry, the pain only comes with the transitions.

To which I replied, ‘Ain’t that the truth’!  

We both looked at one another and laughed in recognition of how their painful transition from sitting to standing was a physical embodiment of what many of us go through emotionally when faced with change.

Whether it is a minor transition such as starting a new course or travelling to a foreign country or something bigger like getting married/divorced or retiring/landing a new job, moving through a transitional period often comes with a degree of emotional work. Anytime that we move from one environment to another, experience a shift in our social scene, or take on some new activity, there can be uncertainty and a feeling of being a bit unsettled. The question then becomes, how can we move through these transitional periods with more ease and maybe even kindness.

For my friend with the sore back, this meant moving slowly and allowing space to breathe through the discomfort. There was no escaping the physical pain that they were feeling in their body. However, I am now entering a different kind of transition, the movement from my Canadian home back to my Irish home and I find myself almost trying to avoid and escape some of the uncomfortable emotions. For instance, whenever my mother brings up all of the leave-taking and the prep that we need to do to close up a cabin, I change the subject, busying myself with distraction. Still, somewhere deep in my heart I know that the change is coming and there is no stopping it. There is no amount of distraction that will stand in its way.  

This brings me to my mindfulness practice. To be fully aware of how I am feeling and present to all that is going on around me with a quality of self-compassion and kindness is kind of like my friend’s slow movements and deep breaths. My friend was able to move through their pain skillfully because they were willing to attend to it mindfully.

Interestingly, there has been plenty of research to show that mindfulness can help us be with transitional change through the cultivation of awareness and acceptance, which has the potential to elicit a quality of peace and ease. As well, mindfulness can help us approach transitions from a more neutral position that is not completely lost in emotion. We might be aware that we are feeling sad, afraid or overwhelmed by the change that is happening, but with awareness comes a space for choice of how we will respond to these emotions. This can lead to greater clarity and a more balanced perspective. It can even lead to wisdom (Mazur, 2012). For my friend, this was the wisdom to be careful, slow and gentle with their movements and to trust that the transition is temporary.

So as I face the last few days of being with my Canadian family, I have to remind myself to mind the transition. This means calling on my practice to help me open up to what I am feeling through awareness and acceptance and a great big dollop of self- compassion. In this way, I might enjoy the last fruits of summer, rather than stick my head in the sand. I might hold myself gently and remember that soon I will be through the transition. Soon, I will be surrounded by my Irish family. Not a bad place to be!

If you are facing one of life’s many transitions and are struggling with keeping your balance, I invite you to give this RAIN practice a try. RAIN is a meditation that has been made popular by the renowned insight meditation teacher, Tara Brach. The practice can be helpful with accepting and being with difficult emotions and indeed life’s many transitions.

RAIN  is an acronym that stands for

R: recognise or acknowledge whatever emotion is present.

A: allow the emotion to be present, whether it is pleasant or unpleasant.

I: investigate the emotion with a quality of kindness and self-compassion

N: non-identify or try not to identify with the emotion. For instance, rather than saying I am angry, you might reframe things and acknowledge that anger is present but does not define me. There can also be the acknowledgement that while anger may be present, it will move on. ‘N’ can also stand for nurturing ourselves through difficult emotions.

Why not give it a go and let me know how you get on? Wishing you ease through all of life’s transitions, no matter how small or big they may be.

-Jane

To listen to and download the RAIN meditation, click below: