It’s the week of love and contrary to what one might expect, I can hardly wait for Valentine’s day. Traditionally, it’s never rated as that big of a holiday for me. Sure Graeme and I exchanged gifts and cards and probably had a meal out. Our legal wedding fell on the day after Valentine’s, which packs a bigger punch. However, as I approach my second Valentine’s day since he has passed, I feel a bit more connected to the idea of setting aside a day dedicated to love. Well, I feel more connected to the idea of setting aside a day dedicated to what a dear friend calls ‘showing up for myself’.
I find showing up for myself much harder than extending love to another human being. Yet, showing up for ourselves enhances our ability to do so for others. Self love, or at least self- acceptance and compassion, can act as a foundation, preventing insecure, co-dependent or toxic relationship patterns. However, loving others can also be a path to self love. I know it was the love that I shared with Graeme that illuminated this option of showing up for myself in his absence. The two are intrinsically linked.
Dr. Kristin Neff, a researcher and co-founder of the 8 week Mindful Self- Compassion program, goes even further and explains that when we criticize ourselves while praising others, or when we don’t show up for ourselves but show up for others, we can experience an artificial division and feel quite isolated. Her solution to this conundrum is to recognise when we are struggling, and to remember that our shortcomings and difficulties are all part of the common human experience and to extend self-kindness to ourselves, rather than criticism. In this way, our kindness is congruent. And put simply, we value ourselves in the same way that others value us. And they do. Others value us, whether we lose sight of this or not. Someone somewhere values YOU. As a point, I know that I value each and everyone of you who is reading this post.
So, as it is the week of love, I have bought myself some beautiful roses, purchased a brand new PJ set (that is quietly waiting for the 14th to be brought out) and ready to fully and completely show up for myself. And you know what? It feels pretty lush and empowering.
If you would like to practice showing up for yourself, I will be leading a practice on Loving Kindness for self and other at this week’s Tuesday morning Sanctuary online meditation sit. Why not join us?
-Jane
Click below to listen to and download a Loving Kindness meditation:
My Silent Place 
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