When in doubt, keep on keeping on

I have been stepping out of my comfort zone a lot lately. Last September, I started “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron. The Artist’s Way is a bestselling book that guides the reader through 12 weeks of self-discovery and an uncovering of all that holds one back creatively. Through the 12 weeks, I have been dusting off the ol’ watercolours, picking up the pen, and low and behold, taken the leap to face the inhibitions and blocks that have been holding me back. For instance, this blog has been on pause since January 2020.

All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed the process and learned a lot about the limiting beliefs that hide in the shadows of my heart. In particular, it got me thinking about the role of doubt in my life.

I can’t tell you how many times doubt has stopped me in my tracks. And I am not talking about what one might call reasonable doubt, such as the doubt that comes when I imagine that I could swim the English channel. I mean, I know I am a strong swimmer but c’mon. No, I am talking about the doubt that creeps in and whispers,

“maybe you shouldn’t go on that group walk- everyone will be fitter than you”

Or,

“maybe you shouldn’t share pictures of the painting you created, the poem you wrote or tell people that you were thinking of joining community theatre”.

I am talking about the voice that, ultimately, tells me it is dangerous to be vulnerable.

We all have it. It’s an uncomfortable thing to have your belly exposed to the world. In fact, doubt is the fear that can be directly linked to our survival instinct. So if we think about it, doubt makes sense on some level. It’s our protection policy. But what happens when our protection policies start to disconnect us from the world or stop us from growth? What happens when our firewalls are a bit too impervious?

Studies show that we can become paralysed by anxiety, lose our confidence and any feeling of joy can evaporate in front of us. For me, doubt usually has me swimming in circles- NOT across the English channel. Doubt also disconnects me from others, rather than help me forge meaningful relationships through a willingness to be vulnerable.

The good news is that we can mitigate the adverse repercussions of this emotion that is designed to protect us. For instance, we can start with leaning into doubt by bringing a kind and gentle awareness of it. Awareness is key. We need to know we are simply experiencing doubt, rather than facing a true danger. By getting to know the signs that doubt has arrived, we can choose how we respond, rather than stop all forward movement. It might be noticing storylines that tell us that we are not quite good enough, or feeling a sensation of fluttering in the belly, or there can be an unshakeable ominous feeling that haunts us every time we remember that we have to do something brave.

Once we know what doubt looks and feels like, we can look for some evidence to its truth. What’s the proof that everyone on the organised walk is fitter than me? There usually isn’t any. Is my self-worth really defined by someone else’s subjective opinion of my painting or thinks that I may or may not be a good actor? My friends would say that the answer is a hard No.

In which case, let’s see what happens if we can keep on moving when we notice unreasonable doubt! Again, I am not talking about the reasonable doubt that tells me not to try and swim the English channel- there may be some wisdom in that. 😉

Who knows, maybe there is some delight on the other side of this protection policy. Even if it is simply a sense of accomplishment that comes from keeping on.

This week, I am going to lead a session on leaning into difficult emotions, such as doubt and fear. We may even cultivate a bit of gentleness and self-kindness while doing so. Why not join me at the Sanctuary’s Tuesday morning sessions?

Click here to join me at the Sanctuary’s online meditation session on Tuesday morning at 10am

To read more about how doubt relates to our survival instinct, click here.

Click below to try a short meditation: mindfulness with gentle kindness