There are times in my life when the paths in front of me start to disappear. Or, at the very least, they become a bit unclear. Nothing about my trajectory of becoming a mother, teacher or a therapist has been linear or necessary planned with any great detail. Yet, here I am living thousands of miles away from my country and family of origin and am still finding my way.
Perhaps this quality of finding my way is how I am in the world. Any sense of certainty, while it can provide a false sense of security, has let me down. Don’t get me wrong, there is a huge part of me that would love to pin down the map, to know without a shadow of a doubt that if I take this step, and then this step, and finally this step, I will arrive HERE. However, time and time again, I am shown that life has this uncanny way of surprising me. Sometimes these surprises are welcomed and sometimes they are not. The thing is- when I am able to remain open and curious, I am able to reorient myself through a series of pivots and find some semblance of ‘way’.
What I have come to learn is that life is not a problem to be solved but an experience to be lived. There is no map that can mark every turn or showcase each sight to see. There is no amount of planning that can guarantee a particular destination. And perhaps the invitation is not to abandon direction completely, but to loosen my grip on the idea that direction must come with certainty.
I am beginning to see this as a practice of meeting life as it unfolds. And having the capacity to do this with a bit (the teeniest of bits) more ease is through creating the conditions for direction and cultivating the practices that help me show up on the path with more compassion, presence and equanimity.
If I can do this, then feeling lost from time to time is simply part of the process and an important one at that. For feeling lost is an opportunity to slow down and pay attention to what has changed, what I am resisting, what I am holding on to and what the present moment is asking of me. Feeling lost doesn’t mean that I am, rather it is simply that the way forward has yet to reveal itself to me.
I still want the map. I suspect that a part of me always will. But I know that I don’t need to know the whole way before I take the next step. I know that there can be direction without certainty, intention without a guarantee and trust without knowing exactly how things will unfold.
Maybe finding my way as a way of being in the world helps me to keep moving, keep questioning and keep becoming, even when the path is unclear. And if that is the case, perhaps becoming lost is an adventure and an encouragement to go deeper. Now, isn’t that a game changer?
This week, I will be leading a meditation on finding my way at the Sanctuary’s online community meditation (Tuesday at 10am Irish time). Why not join me?
-Jane
Click HERE to access the Zoom room
Click below to listen to a meditation on Finding my way:
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