Last week I was having a conversation with a friend in which we were detailing all the summertime comings and goings, including family visits, holiday adventures, and the day job. Summertime is a funny one- unless you are a school teacher, or are incredibly fortunate with your annual leave, working through the dog days of heat and sunshine can feel like an endurance sport of dedication and discipline.
My friend was telling me that with their houseful of family dynamics, the careful planning and executing of outdoor fun, AND the need to be focused and present for those who we work with, they were feeling like they were living above their psychological means.
As soon as I heard my friend use the phrase ‘psychological means’, my ears perked up and I started to think about what this meant and where I was on the continuum of balance. Living above our means psychologically is to maintain a lifestyle, pace or emotional standard that your mental and emotional energy cannot sustain. This happens when we use our inner strength the way some people use credit cards- borrowing energy from tomorrow to meet the demands of today.
Having family visit or even being pulled between our weekly obligations and the fine weather can leave us feeling spent. It can be hard saying no to extra activities and to people. However, if we say yes to everything, this can lead to having little emotional and physical energy for ourselves. For instance, I often find myself pulling out ‘social Jane’, when all I want to do is curl up and sleep or read a book in the company of the birds. Ironically, this is a recurring theme in my life. I have written about this before in my blogpost ‘Turning the ship’ . In short, learning to say no when we are used to saying yes to everything and everyone takes effort and perseverance, much like turning a big ship.
After the discussion on psychological means with my friend, I renewed my intention to touch and notice when I am starting to feel burnt out, or like I am losing myself a bit. If I can catch this feeling through the practice of tuning in and noticing, I can ask the question, ‘can I mentally or emotionally afford this?’
This simple question can help me move back into a space of living life on my own terms. There’s no one else who can do this for me, and seeing as I was writing about this very subject before, I need to make this a practice that I engage with as often as I can- no easy task.
This is where the 3 minute breathing space comes in handy. This is a short ‘on the go’ practice developed by Mark Williams for the Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy programme. It encourages awareness in three simple steps: first, noticing thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations; second, focusing attention on the breath; and third, expanding awareness to the whole body and present moment. I like to use this practice as an internal touch in to refocus, regulate my emotions and bring awareness to how I am so that I can respond skilfully and with wisdom to what is happening around me. Once I know the lay of the land, I can ask the question of what it is that I can afford. In this way, I might be able to avoid living above my psychological means. While it’s not complicated, it is an invaluable habit to get myself into.
If you would like to hear more about the 3 minute breathing space through the practice of mindfulness, why not join us at the Sanctuary’s online community meditation on Tuesday at 10am Irish time. It will be our last meeting before we break for the month of August. I would love to see you there.
-Jane
My Silent Place 
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